I wear my demons on my sleeve

What’s so soothing and addictive about pain? Why does it makes me feel safe? Why does it gives the impression of being my safe haven. What happens if I get too comfortable with my demons?

If you have the same question as I have, then you know you’re doing something right. And that is you don’t shy away from admitting that you have your own demons, darkness, shadow, pain, whatever you call it. You must know, acceptance is the first step in the rule book for any forms of development. And it’s crucial that we face our inner demons, for only when we go within, we find the true source of everything, our own awareness.

Here’s the thing about facing your demons. It’s not all too bad. I know, it can get a little messy at the beginning, because one gets too overwhelmed from getting exposed to all the raw emotions all at once. But once you get a hang of it, it can be the starting point for you to emerge yourself into a greater being. Because sadly, more often than not, we tend to grow the most through pain.

Most of us are scared to face the darkness that dwells in us. We don’t even like to talk about it. As though ignoring its existence would somehow make it disappear. The moment we find a hint of darkness, our immediate reaction is to dismiss it. Terming it as ungodly. Well, for obvious reasons, everybody strives for anything that exudes positivity. But without first having to experience our own shadow, how could we vouch for the fact that the experiences we have had so far are substantial? So, it’s always good to not be so much in control. Don’t block your demons, let it out. Let’s be in touch with reality for once, develop our self awareness, and let it humble us. And only then we’ll understand the real deal behind our pain, our inner dark side. And how a pinch of it could be even more powerful than all the so called ‘positivity’ we have been obsessively hoarding.

But be on your guard. Pain can be very dominative in nature. It can easily overshadow us, if we aren’t heedful. They are willing and are ready to consume us if we let them. They know us better than we know ourselves, and knows all our weak points. But no matter how threatening it may seem, it’s all a mind game. Without us they wouldn’t even exist. We just have to understand the fact that we are bigger than our pain, and all our other emotions. We simply need to train our mind. And when we master that, that’s when we’ll enter the realm of infinite possibility.

However, we so often fall prey to self-sabotaging behaviour. It’s no joke. To seek solace in your own ruin can be surprisingly addictive and relieving in some way. But it’s merely a temporary solution. You’ll feel like you’re on a continuous loop, heading for nowhere.

So what I try to do is to remind myself that I got no one but myself to rely on, and if I’d to go through so much, it’s only fair if I get something out of it. That being said, there is no quick and easy fix. Yes, I wear my demons on my sleeve and I am at war with myself everyday. There are days I couldn’t get myself off my bed. And some days aren’t too bad. And that’s totally fine. You don’t have to be strong all the time. Don’t beat yourself up. Allow yourself the time to learn at your own pace.

Likewise, I know I still got a long road ahead of me. But I’ll get there, slowly but surely.

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